Every now and then a trend will emerge to which the correct response is: Mother of God, no. Not now, not ever. Even were it a case of being over my dead body, my spirit would find a way of rebelling from beyond the grave.

Thus it is with clogs, which no lesser authorities than Louis Vuitton and Chanel – a plague on both their houses – have earmarked as spring/summer 2010’s next big thing.

This season’s latest shoe fad? It’s clogs. The trend has nothing to do with Industrial Revolution chic, and everything to do with the fact that Chanel is about to stock a pair for upwards of €700. Similarly, Louis ­Vuitton has produced a clog-boot ­hybrid (no doubt soon to be ­nicknamed the “cloot”) and Céline has a wedge with a cloggish vibe about it. It’s no surprise that Alexa Chung – queen of the slightly awkward but very hip shoe – has tuned in early.

Strangely, the clog was conceived of as a protective worker’s shoe, but they’re actually a pretty perilous piece of footwear, as anyone who has worn them knows. Bruised ­ankle bones, frequent tripping and sore toe muscles from gripping on to a rigid wooden sole are all ­inherent dangers.

The way to wear them is:

• Go barefoot for extra grip.

• Team with something either whimsical or aggressively minimal.

• Never attempt a quiet entrance.

• Carry plasters.

• Don’t be tempted by a top that could be confused with a dinner-lady’s tabard.

Platform clog! very high!!


Chanel clogs!



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